Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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