now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
