Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
