I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
