Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
