That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found puke in my bra..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
