I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
either way he was missing a nipple.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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