So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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