Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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