i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
