You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
