I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
accomplished twins. life is a go
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
