Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
