It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
