You kept calling me your small dog last night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
