you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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