is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He shit in the fireplace
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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