I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
