i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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