When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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