You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sorry my hands just texted you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
