Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
