i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
