took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
