What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
