i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize