I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
