thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
