can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
