Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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