the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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