Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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