John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
