I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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