the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
