Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
