I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
