I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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