don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
