ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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