You're completely useless in the revolution.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
