I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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