i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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