Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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