do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
