Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize