i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
