are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
