How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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