i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
