Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
