I just pynch a tree in the face
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
