I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
