What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
