if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
