If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
