im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
