Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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