i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
