Got a toothbrush?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
