He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
