i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
