I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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