You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
