I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
love makes seman taste better
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize