I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize