its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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