you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
