You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
