So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
