god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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