I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
