Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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