Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize