the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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