I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
