mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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