hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
