You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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