My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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