cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
