I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize