Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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