I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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