Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im holly from the hills drunk
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
