i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
