Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
