yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
