I'm gonna have a badass scar
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
false alarm. still invincible.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
