I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
