My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
