I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
