If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
