I am spending my child support on dildos
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
