i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She just used a chaser for red wine.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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