shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize