At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
