that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
