it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
