Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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