well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize