For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize