Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
