the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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