Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
