You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
