jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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