he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
