My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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