We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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