so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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