I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
